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Disney: Where magic lives
Bake the
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Make it a Bud
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Dishwashing made for the 21st century
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Got milk?
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Cross into the blue
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deserve a break today
The snack that smiles back goldfish
The flavor
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Live richly
A whole new way to see the world
© 2003 Shane Allison
masturbation poem
Before rising and shining
Before brushing my teeth
Before I feed
my pet
Before a lit cigarette
I need to jack off
Before taking a shower
Before gargling mouthwash
Before lifting
the toilet seat
To take a leak
I have to beat my meat
Before the eggs get scrambled
Before the toast is toasted
Before
the coffee beans are roasted
I gotta choke my chicken
Before the tie is tied
Before my shoes are tied
Before the bacon
is fried
I must spank my monkey
Before the paper is read
Before I get outta bed
Before good
morning is said
I’m going to drain my balls
While thinking of a hot guy thru it
all
© 2003 Shane Allison
eater of poets
i am an eater of poets
a poetvampire if you will
sucking
poetryblood from necks,
taring out hearts
i have a lot of
poethearts
cut the love out with a Ginsu steak knife
and eat
it
nothing like good lovemeat from the hearts
of poets i
hate
bitter & sweet
so ungood for me i know,
but i can’t help
it
its in my nature
i'm a poetflesh cannibal
who destroys
and
devours
eat the fingers of verse
for hours
crunch on the
bones
pick a tooth
tell you poet, before i begin
that it’s going
to hurt
its more than a pinch
more than a sting
more pain than
you could ever believe
when i cut away,
bite into your
poetmeat
for i am a poetmeateating monster
surviving off the fat of
the land
© 2003 Shane Allison
cant
you cant pose naked in here
you cant show your twat tits and ass on
camera
you cant smoke in here this is a no smoking smoking zone
this
is no time for a bubble bath
what are you crazy
you cant show him
showing his cock
you cant shave your balls in here are you nuts
you
cant come in here and shave your balls
and leave shaved ball hair on
the floor
this is no time to be jacking off
what are you doing
jacking off
you cant jack off at a time like this, you jerk off
what
is this, what are you doing
this isnt the time to explore your asshole,
asshole
you just cant stand there and fingerfuck yourself
this is
clearly not the time for fingerfucking
you cant suck him or grab his
ass or give the impression
that hes being fucked
you have runs in
your stockings
that girls got runs in her stockings
pull your shirt
down no one wants to see those things
drop your legs no one wants to
see your stuff
what is that
you cant bring that in here
what will
people say
get away from me
© 2003 Shane Allison
To the Janitor on Second Level, Bobst Library
hey you, where are you going
you with your striped shirt
tucked
into dark blue pants
cinched to your stomach
you take too much
pride in your work
i was just saying to myself
i could never
scrape gum to gunk
off floors for a living
could never empty trash
cans
of other people's trash
your hair is an oil slick
how
much does someone like you
make on a job like this anyway
food to
pay
bills to feed
hey you there
cleaning glass
sweeping
Tuesday's accumulations
in a dustpan
wiping away collagulation
from between grooves,
cubbyholes and corners
you think your
better than me
i'm just a litterbug squashed
and sticking at the
bottom of your sneaker
hey janitor with your rubber gloves
your
air-freshening aerosols
your dynamic dust mop,
i salute you
and shall never take you for granted again
© 2003 Shane Allison
Litany for Jarret Keene
Jarret can I ask you a question?
Well… more like a few
questions.
Have you written any poems lately?
And if so, have you
written any poems
About pickles recently?
What about
tighty-whities?
Do you have any poems about potted soil I could
borrow?
Have you ever written poems about dry, cracked lips?
Jarret
do you have any poems about chewing gum
Or cranberry-colored carpet
cutters?
Jarret what about a poem about Lou Diamond Philips?
Got any
Lou Diamond Philip poems or poems About Siamese cats?
Can you get me a
moped for Christmas
With a poem about it taped to the exhaust
pipe?
You got any Joyce Dewitt poems lying around?
Can I have a bite
of your danish?
Could you write a poem about my taking a bite of your
danish?
I could use a good platinum wig poem
And poems about nylon
stockings and durags.
You got any poems like this anywhere in your
possession?
Jarret when you write that poem about the chili burger,
can you copy a few copies for me?
Better yet, can I get some chili
cheese fries
Wrapped in wide ruled notebook paper with a poem
About
chili cheese fries written on it?
Remember those series of poems about
Marilyn Manson
You said you were planning on writing?
Can I have
one?
Jarret do you have any poems about hermaphrodites
Or poems
about charbroiled chicken?
Or how about that poem you wrote
about
Charbroiled-chicken eating hermaphrodites?
Do you still have
that one?
Remember that bad dream you told me about, Jarret?
Did you
write a poem about it?
Have you written any sonnets lately or a maybe a
villanelle?
Can you write me a villanelle about pimple cream?
Would
it be too much to ask, Jarret, if you could write
Me a poem about
Timothy Busfield?
Got any poems about radioactive urine in Rice
Krispies?
Or if you have a poem or two about pissing in cereal,
That
would be so neat.
Jarret can you do me a favor?
Can you possibly
write a poem about this dead armadillo
I saw in the road once?
I
need a coconut poem.
I need a poem about pink elephants and pig feet
pickled
In pig feet juice, Jarret.
Do you think you can write
them?
I need a hockey puck poem, a monkey wrench poem
And a poem
about wax fruit.
Jarret do you know anyone who has written
Poems
about Tammy Faye?
Do you think you can write a sonnet on Tammy Faye?
I need it by Thursday.
This poem you wrote about deep fried chicken
fingers
I’ve been hearing so much about, can you fax it to me?
I
might put an anthology of poems together about kiwi milkshakes.
Do you
have anything that fits this theme?
You know what I need, Jarret?
I
need a Dana Plato poem.
I need some poems about anal beads and shrimp
forks.
Jarret can you write me a poem about dust mops?
Jarret I
want you to write seventy or so poems
About cum in shag carpet in a
purple van.
Think you can do that?
Can you write about my
hemorrhoids?
Can you write something about that bad case
Of anal
warts I had last year?
I need a poem about chopsticks
And anti lock
brakes.I need a Beau Bridges poem.
I need that, and a poem written
about Anne Bancroft eating peach cobbler.
Think you can handle
that?
If you can, tell me about it in a poem.
© 2004 Shane Allison
Supposed Titles to Poems I Have Yet to
Write
Happy Homosexual
Intoxicated
You Know You Want Some
Don’t Move
a Muscle until the Dead Come Home
Kerplunk
Lick My
Love
Deranged
Eat Me
Peace Mentality
Piss and Shit
Frontal
Nudity
Grit
Luv and Loathing
Laid Bare
Attack of the
Fifty-Foot Dragqueen
Homosexual Poet
Loosened
Attack of My
Fifty-Foot Mama
Spiders and Roaches
Faggot
He Took His Clothes
Off
Kept In
Dark Blue
I’m a Homosexual with a Crush on William
Shatner
Publicity Stunt
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Student Union
Adds Transgender
What I’m Dying to Ask Matthew Broderick
Bread and
Butter
Porn Star
Roasted Male Chauvinist Pig
For Crying Out Loud
Suffocator
Spleen
Quatrain for Paul Monette
Nervous
Laugh
Damage
On Blowing Up the Leon County Courthouse
Fat
Boy
Imagine Pageant
Republican Boyfriend
You Don’t Write Love
Poems about Me Anymore
Slow Motion
Cocksucker for Romance
Shot to
Shit
Sweet Piece of Shit
Faggotry
I Be
Happy Now?
Bastards
and Bitches
Anything but This, Everything and More
I Heard
That
Where are All My Gay Black Poets
To the Bone
Fat
Bastard
The Last Time I Sucked a Black Dick
Concrete
Heart
Itching Burning Sensation in My Heart
Cherry Pot Pie
Hard
Candy Hard Ass
Kiss
Hometown
Covert Operation of Killer
Poets
Anthony is a Beautiful Name
Sirens and Sanity
Blue Magic
Infatuation Infection
Raw
Reeling
Nigger Queer
Destruction
of Property
Steaming Mad
Devil in Me
Kissing Eyes Open
Eve’s
Adam’s Apple
Cum Shot
Breaking for Butterflies
Nancy
Boy
Beefcake King
Gayness
Parachute
Prissy
Little Boy
Blueballs
My First Love
Lemonade Dime
Glow
Bald-faced
Liar
Deranger Stranger
Mr. Mid-life Crisis
Holding
n Purpose,
By Mistake
Lesbian Chick
Flow Long
Shards
Damn
It
Loser
Employee of the Month is Debbie
Rich and Famous
Asshole
Salesperson 117
Loud Mouth
Serious Attitude
Problem
Permanent Teeth
Hot Piss
Receiving
Anything for a
Lover
Hands and Knees
Inner Bitch
Welcoming Committee
Drink
It
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Evil
This is What Happens When I Make Love to
Myself
Boy
Numb
Human
Stop Writing Epic Poems about My Dick,
You Freak!
Taint
Tuff
Freak
Dried Blood
You Write Like a
Girl
Plain and Simple, Cut and Dry
Fucked Up for Life
French
Kissing in America
Back Scratches
Closets are for Clothes
Seether
Lover in Pink
Jeans and a T-shirt
In on the
Outside
Denied
Star-Studded
Neat
Homo Milk
© 2004 Shane Allison
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